I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
