The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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