i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
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Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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