Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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