Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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