Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
