Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
