he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
