The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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