i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we made out on top of his cat.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
