I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
