yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
