woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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