i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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