i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
