awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
