I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly