I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
