There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
