Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
organizing the empties. That sober.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick