I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.