Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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