I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The adults are the big ones right?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
