The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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