but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
