I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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