Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Please don't give away my fajitas
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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