I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize