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I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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