I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
