fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
