im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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