I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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