i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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