Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You can't just leave with hair like that
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize