If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
