Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
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Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
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No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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