Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
