Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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