my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
