why didn't you poke me back
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
