I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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