Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
