U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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