I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
