I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
