very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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