I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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