I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
