someone threw a dead crab at me
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
