you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
