At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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