That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
