If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
