Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I would ride that face into the sunset
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
