my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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