It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
