he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
