And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
