my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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