Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
