I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i think my cat just said my name.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
