shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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