The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
