How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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