Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
