exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
