Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
