Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
