he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
