Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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